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The Diaries of a Chinese girl in a western world

Anita Lee is from the He Nan province in China where the Shaolin Temple is located, but now lives in Nova Scotia and works in the World Trade Centre. She is currently writing a book entitled ‘The Diaries of a Chinese girl in a Western World’ based on true accounts of friends and herself. In the book she talks about love, career, family and the highs and lows of living both in China and Canada.

Nee Hao Magazine publishes the 1st of a 4 part serialisation of Anita’s upcoming book. This first excerpt is about her thoughts and feelings of dating a non Chinese, and what Chinese girls are like.

What Chinese girls are like?

Chinese girls usually come in the tiny shapes, have long hair, and open minded personalities. There are 2 different types, ‘very traditional’ ones and ‘mixed’ ones (when I say ‘mixed’ I mean mixed culture not mixed race in this case). The traditional ones are quiet; they don’t talk too much, because that’s the thing to do in the Chinese culture. According to the cultural aspect, women are not supposed to laugh loudly and act too dramatically. We have to sit still and be a lady. The mixed ones are very open minded , usually have a western education and can speak English fluently with a deep knowledge of European and/or North American culture. Mixed girls dress in a western style emphasising the cute shape.
Chinese girls are usually very easy going and also very goal oriented, so we often analyse everything we have in life. We were taught not to make mistakes, so we just can’t put ourselves out there to learn from them. We have standards, we have guidelines, and usually we treat sex very very seriously. In general, we treat love, relationships and family very seriously too.And we were told to take care of our skin, it’s not unusual to have the whole set of skincare products.

Anita is what you call a ‘mixed girl’ one who is very westernised.

When a white guy hits on me

Well, I have to say when I hear: “ooh! Asian girl! You are so hot!”,  it immediately turns me off. Just be real, talk, communicate, and be friendly, instead of showing the Asian crush that way. The traditional ones are the hardest ones, because after one date, they may say that you are her boyfriend while you were like just getting to know her for the very first time. I can’t remember how many times I had to help my foreign friends to explain the ‘dating thingy ‘ to their traditional Chinese girlfriends. The mixed ones on the other hand are much easier, they know both cultures and how to handle communication problems. Mixed girls can make you feel that you are more connected with them because from growing up, they have known more western stuff than the traditional Chinese girls.
So there is “the familiar thing” between you and your mixed Chinese girl. But on the other hand, they still have the Chinese values; they still treat everything very seriously. They respect family members and have soft hearts, caring, loving and truly will treat you like a king when they are in a relationship with you. Not saying that the mixed ones are better, traditional Chinese girls are adorable as well; the process of learning your habits and your culture is very interesting. Repeating the new words she learned from you over and over again is so cute.

Relationships

If you are serious about a Chinese girl, no matter what category she falls into, treat everything in a serious way, be straight, don’t play games, and tell her what you truly think. If she hasn’t yet said she likes you, don’t panic. She might have already shown you with some actions such as caring messages. As long as she talks to you, you have her. Our culture told us not to show too much information, guys have to come forward. So just go for it, maybe she’s waiting for you to make the first move.  Now, if she likes you but it’s not mutual, tell her you don’t like her, we usually think too much. Please remember the concept of ‘face’ when you are rejecting a Chinese girl,  be honest and tell her why, because ooh yeah, we will ask you why?!! And normally she can’t be your friend right after the rejection. So don’t be like: “we can be friends right?”
Usually, we love to do the housework, cook, clean, and do the laundry. In China, women do them all, including taking care of children and parents. So we are trained to be the powerful housewives while still managing the career. We have our mothers as our role models.

If you have never dated a Chinese, don’t necessarily think that you are going to have communication problems, cultural differences or in some cases language barriers. I have seen enough non-English speaking Chinese girls marry first language-English, Italian, Swedish dudes, and they are very happy. It is all about learning from each other and somehow this kinda relationship makes the relationship work. Because you guys are growing together, you are learning together, you are different but yet have the killer attraction. The relationship is interesting, fun and enjoyable.  You see things in different ways and different aspects. Friends once said to me: “I never had this kind of feeling with other women; I never had this kind of relationship, why do I feel this way? Is it normal?”

Coming up in February we also have ‘ A white English girl living in Beijing ‘

Some more articles from Nee Hao

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17 Comments

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  4. miss chezi said:

    i already knew all the things she says in that article. actually it’s not that simple and most of the white guys are assholes, so the traditional girls better not dating them.

  5. TDB said:

    Personally speaking, I have been living in China almost 5 years and what I have to say is Chinese girls are really bad in the kitchen. Most who are married with kids have someone cooking at home for them every day. Don’t mention the University students, they don’t know anything about cooking.
    Everything said has been to perfect. Where is that other side of the coin, such as when a foreign guy doesn’t like a chinese girl, the trouble they create for him? Like hiding his passport and screaming at him?
    I must admit Chinese are sweet people, but it’s hard to make long term friendship with them. Where are all the Chinese friends I try to keep? One day they just don’t even remember your face! Or pretend not to.
    Very few however are still my friend today. I think Chinese girls are strange. They draw closer to the men than the ladies. It’s great for a man to get to know a Chinese girl, but as to his final decision they would have to take cultural differences into consideration because they are very different. Some Marriages do work out, others don’t get close.

    • interesting... said:

      maybe the man should hold his weight in the kitchen then. women shouldn’t do all the housework anyway

  6. Marc Cheyne said:

    it’s true, most white men find oriental women sexy. more often that not you are better looking than white women. take it as a compliment!

    P.s., I’m single if anyone’s interested?!

  7. Jimmy27uk said:

    U can’t say that most White guys a asshholes cos u probably gone for the same type.we aren’t all bad and saying stuff like that is really narrowminded .

  8. www.BBCzeitgeist.blogspot.com said:

    Don’t you think there’s a conflict of interest in publishing an article that gives advice to WHITE MEN on how to steal Chinese girls on a website that promotes EAST ASIAN CHINESE pride? Although I think this was the early days when you published absolutely anything without consideration, right?

  9. Sam Reeves said:

    Thank you for actually writing one of the first articles I’ve read that actually gives a balanced view of Chinese girls and some of their expectations.

    I will disagree with you on one point though Anita, the point being that mixed girls ‘can speak English fluently with a deep knowledge of European and/or North American culture’.

    It’s quite obvious from what you’ve written that you in particular do, but even many of the mixed ones as you term them, do not speak English very fluently and they in fact have little understanding of European or North American culture… unless they have dated a westerner while they were still in the mainland, if that’s the case then I would agree.

    By the way, when I started reading this I fully expected to read the usual inane ‘Chinese girls’ type of article, but was very pleasantly surprised. I’m sure your book will be a good one.

    Sam

  10. Person who does not agree said:

    I personally do find the small compliments flattering but, rather aside, I can’t say that this is accurate for all Asian or Chinese women. I for one will only do the housework half as much as whoever I date will and I will only treat the guy like a king if he treats me like a queen, what i am saying is that I am probably more strong willed and minded like some Caucasian women. This article seems to portray women a little bit more on the “perfect feminine housewife side” I said a little, so don’t attack me on this, I did see that you said Asian women were able to juggle and be responsible with work and all but I can’t agree with all you said. And when you said petite, I’d have to disagree with you again because certainly not all Asian women are petite, and not all of them have long hair. I have only complaints in the fact that this portrayal does not apply to all Asian women and I dont believe one person should define all Asian, or Chinese women.

  11. interesting... said:

    as a Chinese girl, I would like to qualify this statement: “Usually, we love to do the housework, cook, clean, and do the laundry. In China, women do them all, including taking care of children and parents. So we are trained to be the powerful housewives while still managing the career. We have our mothers as our role models.”

    Yes of course, it is great to be a powerful housewife, but I don’t think this should be a selling point of our culture or a woman. Surely the man should also have a responsibility not to allow their women “do them all”? The domestic sphere is something I feel is important but I do not think women have the responsibility to perform ALL roles the “traditional” female must as WELL as do a man’s job well. Why can’t it be split?

    And as for the “white male” audience it is catering to, I don’t think that the article is necessarily catering towards that. I think it is for other cultures to have an insight towards women of Chinese ethnic background before they decide to go into a relationship with one. I don’t see how that is so bad. I personally think the more people who mix with each other – the more understanding and rich cultures the children of these unions will have. In many cases relationships are not just ETHNIC, it’s about who you love and what sort of person you’re attracted to.

    I’d NEVER decide to date someone based on their race. Yet, maybe that’s just because I’m a romantic.

  12. Danny said:

    To be honest I find Chinese men and women more cultured and respectful than english. Merh, maybe thats a bit prejudiced. Nice article and written from the heart, hope you have the time to have a look at my article.
    Regards Dan

  13. elena said:

    first of all, i hate doing housework!! chinese girls are still human. most people dont like doing housework, why should that differ in chinese girls? you cant say chinese girls are petit as that is quite incorrext. yes they can but like many others they can be “big built” as i am. iv lived in britain all my life. its hard – being our race and colour. some people may not think that they judge people on how they look like but the truth is that every one judges. not necessarily on race and mostly. i dont blame anyone for judging. we were brought up judging. those judging shows and examinations. we are constantly judging and being judged. if you think you do not judges, your more than wrong. every one judges. you look at a piece of clothing and you think to yourself should i buy it? would i suit it? i dont think i like it. ill look at something else… YOUR JUDGEING AT THAT PIECE OF CLOTHING. as a chinese girl living in the western side of earth, your constantly trying to improve on your looks – well these are my personal oppinions. trying to look like everyone else is. trying to disquise your skin tone. trying to fit in. your constantly thinking to yourself about relationships and the future cause your scared you wont find a nice guy. scared that your gonna be alone. scared that your not gonna find “the one.” i grew up wathcing the chinese channel “TVB” and it makes me wonder why my parents came to britain. i think to myself, “if im living in china, at least i fit in with the crowd. have better opportunities.” annually, TVB broadcasts “miss hong kong” and “miss chinese international.” as a little girl i wanted to join when i was older. maybe even win so that i can sighn a contract with TVB and be in the industry of entertainment. LINDA CHUNG is a good example – except she came from vancouver… she won miss chinese vancouver and then compeated in miss chinese international and now shes a successful actress and a singer too. coming from britain i wanted to compete. sighn up for miss chinese london or something. but i cant find how to sighn up and . . . im not even pretty. my skin is awful, my figure is not good – ‘not petit at all!’ not that im morbidly obese… its just that i dont have a flat belly and it sticks out. makes me look fat. but even if i got my skin lookin good and my figure just right, i wouldn’t be able to join miss chinese london. there are no links to how to join. i dont even 100% know that there is a miss chinese “london.” no-one ever won miss chinese international that came from Great britain… besides wanting to live in china, i would like to live in vancouver or even toronto as there is 100% certantly a miss chinese there. im sure every chinese girl living on the western side feels like some of what i just mentioned. girls have deep feelings right?

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