The Diaries of a Chinese girl in a western world

Anita Lee is from the He Nan province in China where the Shaolin Temple is located, but now lives in Nova Scotia and works in the World Trade Centre. She is currently writing a book entitled ‘The Diaries of a Chinese girl in a Western World’ based on true accounts of friends and herself. In the book she talks about love, career, family and the highs and lows of living both in China and Canada.

Nee Hao Magazine publishes the 1st of a 4 part serialisation of Anita’s upcoming book. This first excerpt is about her thoughts and feelings of dating a non Chinese, and what Chinese girls are like.

What Chinese girls are like?

Chinese girls usually come in the tiny shapes, have long hair, and open minded personalities. There are 2 different types, ‘very traditional’ ones and ‘mixed’ ones (when I say ‘mixed’ I mean mixed culture not mixed race in this case). The traditional ones are quiet; they don’t talk too much, because that’s the thing to do in the Chinese culture. According to the cultural aspect, women are not supposed to laugh loudly and act too dramatically. We have to sit still and be a lady. The mixed ones are very open minded , usually have a western education and can speak English fluently with a deep knowledge of European and/or North American culture. Mixed girls dress in a western style emphasising the cute shape.
Chinese girls are usually very easy going and also very goal oriented, so we often analyse everything we have in life. We were taught not to make mistakes, so we just can’t put ourselves out there to learn from them. We have standards, we have guidelines, and usually we treat sex very very seriously. In general, we treat love, relationships and family very seriously too.And we were told to take care of our skin, it’s not unusual to have the whole set of skincare products.

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Anita is what you call a ‘mixed girl’ one who is very westernised.

When a white guy hits on me

Well, I have to say when I hear: “ooh! Asian girl! You are so hot!”,  it immediately turns me off. Just be real, talk, communicate, and be friendly, instead of showing the Asian crush that way. The traditional ones are the hardest ones, because after one date, they may say that you are her boyfriend while you were like just getting to know her for the very first time. I can’t remember how many times I had to help my foreign friends to explain the ‘dating thingy ‘ to their traditional Chinese girlfriends. The mixed ones on the other hand are much easier, they know both cultures and how to handle communication problems. Mixed girls can make you feel that you are more connected with them because from growing up, they have known more western stuff than the traditional Chinese girls.
So there is “the familiar thing” between you and your mixed Chinese girl. But on the other hand, they still have the Chinese values; they still treat everything very seriously. They respect family members and have soft hearts, caring, loving and truly will treat you like a king when they are in a relationship with you. Not saying that the mixed ones are better, traditional Chinese girls are adorable as well; the process of learning your habits and your culture is very interesting. Repeating the new words she learned from you over and over again is so cute.

Relationships

If you are serious about a Chinese girl, no matter what category she falls into, treat everything in a serious way, be straight, don’t play games, and tell her what you truly think. If she hasn’t yet said she likes you, don’t panic. She might have already shown you with some actions such as caring messages. As long as she talks to you, you have her. Our culture told us not to show too much information, guys have to come forward. So just go for it, maybe she’s waiting for you to make the first move.  Now, if she likes you but it’s not mutual, tell her you don’t like her, we usually think too much. Please remember the concept of ‘face’ when you are rejecting a Chinese girl,  be honest and tell her why, because ooh yeah, we will ask you why?!! And normally she can’t be your friend right after the rejection. So don’t be like: “we can be friends right?”
Usually, we love to do the housework, cook, clean, and do the laundry. In China, women do them all, including taking care of children and parents. So we are trained to be the powerful housewives while still managing the career. We have our mothers as our role models.

If you have never dated a Chinese, don’t necessarily think that you are going to have communication problems, cultural differences or in some cases language barriers. I have seen enough non-English speaking Chinese girls marry first language-English, Italian, Swedish dudes, and they are very happy. It is all about learning from each other and somehow this kinda relationship makes the relationship work. Because you guys are growing together, you are learning together, you are different but yet have the killer attraction. The relationship is interesting, fun and enjoyable.  You see things in different ways and different aspects. Friends once said to me: “I never had this kind of feeling with other women; I never had this kind of relationship, why do I feel this way? Is it normal?”

Coming up in February we also have ‘ A white English girl living in Beijing ‘

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